We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
