If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
my penis made a compromise with my morals
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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