Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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