home. puking in laundry basket.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
