Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
