i don't like sucking hair
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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