i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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