Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
