I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
