What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
