He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
