she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
