he puts the penis in happiness.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
