Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
