So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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