Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
