You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
