WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
COCAINE IS GR8
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
