He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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