STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
