We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
