STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
