And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
