dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
