So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Actions speak louder than pants.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
