nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
