I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
