How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
