Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
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