Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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