I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
