Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
