Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
