Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
