I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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