We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
