she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
