She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
