please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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