So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
