Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
