I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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