i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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