I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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