My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Princesses don't give blow jobs
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
