First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
