You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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