Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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