anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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