real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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