kristin has been a bad kristin
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I forget how to act sober
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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