I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
