We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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