i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
