I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
